Battle of the Sexes

Sure, you thought you already knew the different between a girl and a guy. But now I have conculsive proof! After countless hours of talking with my guy friends ( I have a lot of them I hang out with/ and also a lot of my girl friends) I have come up with the top 20 difference between us and MEN !!

1. RELATIONSHIPS:
First, a man does not call a relationship a relationship - he refers to it as "that time when me and Anita were dating on a semi-regular basis."
When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots." Then she will get on with her life.
A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the breakup -- at 3 am early on a Sunday morning -- he will call and say "I just wanted you to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know there's always a chance for us." This is known as the "I Hate You/I Love You" drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need; alas these classes rarely prove effective.

2. MATURITY:
Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults.
Most 17-year-old males are still trading cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.

3. COMEDY:
Let's say a small group of men and women are in a room, watching television, and an episode of "The Great Indian Laughter Challenge" comes on. Immediately, the men will get very excited - they will laugh uproariously.
The women will roll their eyes and groan and wait it out.

4. HANDWRITING:
To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch.
Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot their "i's" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their "p's" and "g's." It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the end of the note.

5. BATHROOMS:
A man has at most six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

6. GROCERIES:
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the store and buys these things.
A man waits until the only items left in his fridge are half of a lemon, and something turning green. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.

7. GOING OUT:
When a man says he's ready to go out, it means he's ready to go out.
When a woman says she's ready to go out, it means that she WILL be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her other earring, finishes putting on her makeup...And men will never understand this, but all this pain is only for them.

8. SHOES:
When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, and then slip into Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When she arrives at work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under her desk.
A man wears one pair of shoes for the entire day.

9. CATS:
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

10. MIRRORS:
Men are vain; they will check themselves out in the mirror.
Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface: mirrors, spoons, store windows, toasters,

11. JEWELRY:
Women look nice when they wear jewelry.
A man can get away with wearing one ring, and that's it. Any more than that, and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.

12. MENOPAUSE:
When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of the changes varies with the individual.
Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction. He buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for an expensive foreign sports car.

13. DIRECTIONS:
If a woman is out driving and she finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings, she will stop at a gas station and ask for directions.

Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. A man will never stop and ask for directions. Men will drive in a circle for hours, all the while saying things like, "Looks like I've found a new way to get there," and, "I know I'm in the neighborhood. I recognize that White Hen store."

14. ADMITTING MISTAKES:
Women will sometimes admit making a mistake.
The last man who admitted that he was wrong was General George Custer. And no one knows who he is.

15. DRESSING UP:
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail...
A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.

16. NUDITY IN MOVIES:
Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene. This is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced by men.
The only actor who has ever appeard nude in the movies is Richard Gere. This is another reason why men hate him.

17. POLITICS:
Men love to talk about politics, but they often forget to do political things such as voting.
Women are very happy that another generation of hot Congress leader is growing up and getting into politics, because they will be able to campaign for them and cry on election night.

18. CHANGING ROOMS:
In the locker room, men talk about three things: money, football, and women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women.
Women talk about one thing in the locker room - sex. Not in abstract terms, either. They're graphic and technical, and they *never* lie.

19. WEDDINGS:
When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about the "ceremony."
Men talk about "the bachelor party."

20. TOYS:
Little girls love to play with toys. Then, when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest.
Men never grow out of their obsession with toys. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive and impractical. Examples of mens toys: miniature TV's, car phones, complicated juicers and blenders, graphic equalizers, small robots the serve cocktails on command, video games, and anything that blinks, beeps and requires at least six "D" batteries to operate.

Dear December... With love, yours forever

Dear December,
I am closing another year. And there is this whole urge in me to write something. But when you write something that is so close to your heart, people get to know what you are feeling at that point in time. When people know what you are feeling, they think you have suddenly become predictable. And predictable = vulnerable. And Vulnerable is not a good sign of a winner. Being a winner is important to me. But then again, this needs to be told. For if I don’t say it, these thoughts will remain in my heart. And then they will form into big word clots. And word clots kill people slowly, they are unlike the blood clots, wherein a person gets a heart-attack and it’s done! So since the words are at the end of my finger tips, I am going to blog on.

A quick conversation with a dear friend of mine led into this letter to you taking shape.
Friend : Dishudi ( as she fondly calls me ! ) .. I need someone to tell me how much he loves me ( ofcourse my friend is a girl. Guys and I will never have this conversation )

Disha : I know ! its almost as though they stopped producing my type : Bald, Handsome, smart, Funny, Witty, Ambitious and GUJARATI.

Friend : I know, whats happened to our community gene. What’s going wrong ??

Disha : I know what you mean. I have had 4 people who asked me out in November, none with all criteria. I mean if one has to remove any criteria, he can – with the exception of Gujarati.
( It will be ironic, if after publishing this I have to do pheras with a non-gujju !! ) however

Friend : I like all castes – he just needs to want me as much as I want him.

Disha : My friend, then you don’t want a guy, you want a woman. Hhahhaha . What happened to that guy you were talking about.
( We have talked about so many guys. So when I say, what happened to that guy, she knows I am talking about the latest one ; P )

Friend : Oh, it was useless. He didn’t even kiss me, and it was almost as though all my efforts to dress up that night went down the drain !! He pisses me off with his indecisiveness Dish !!

Disha : Oh acha ! ( Only some kind of joke would make my friend feel better at this point in time. ) My dear, I think we should number them. But that would be just plain boring. Lets call him your December.

Friend : Hahaha , Your December. You are funny Dish ! I know

Disha : If you had 2 in December, I would say what happened to December 1st week.

Friend : Disha, I am not that lucky. We are talking about the guy, who is = November. Where is my December ??

Which makes me wonder, Where is my December?? Shouldn’t he be here by now. I mean, I know it’s all mean and all, but he should be here. Its soon going to be 31st. Where every other person if going to ask me who I am going to be with on New Years eve. So irritating. The side effect of growing older is that everyone assumes you are either married, engaged, have a boy friend or almost going to have one. There is nothing called Single. So much so, that an offensive junior of mine asked me, why are you alone with your girl friend watching a movie !! I mean, this is how difficult it is Mr December. Get here now !! January is on its way. You will have only 2 weeks of Disha. Or even better, if Disha likes you and all goes well, December will for the first time see Jan, Feb, March etc. But for that December, you need to magically appear right now !!

Waiting for your early home coming – Love, Yours now and forever.

Mind Over Matter

The last couple of days I finally grabbed a copy of Dan Brown latest book ,"The Lost Symbol". MIND OVER MATTER is a thought that originated from this little piece that I am reproducing below. As described, " Let hypothetically a single thought may have a mass, however negligible and thus exerts gravity. So if thousands of minds focus on a single thought.. It can be converted to action.. " it means if sufficiently large number of minds concentrate on a single outcome of a event, may even cause an event to happen.

FOCUSING on a single thought is the central theme of this blog. It got me thinking, can every square inch of your body focus on a single thought and move oceans ??. I have one such incident in my life. It was grade 1, when someone said, FAT GIRLS CANT COME FIRST ! The mind and body worked in tandem on the day of the race. I had practiced quiet hard pre-race. The race was pretty simple, from a basket full of potatoes and onions somewhere halfway, one had to take 3 of each and run towards the finishing line. So while most athletic girls attempted to find “their potatoes”, little Disha just took any 3 each and ran towards the finish line. FOCUSING on the end and not the means has always been my mantra thereon.

But contradicting my statement above - LOVE works differently !!! The more you FOCUS on it, the more it will RUN AWAY from you. A couple of months ago I went from being a believer in LOVE to a non- believer ! Almost non-existent. Things will happen when they will happen. And there is nothing called forever and always – this was Pankti’s status updates. So who I loved for the first 10 years of knowing what love is, is no longer a relevant part of my life. All my thoughts were focused for a good 10 years on this one really handsome guy. But isn’t 10 years of FOCUS enough?? If that didn’t work, I tried my luck with another gentleman – 2 yrs. thinking things would work differently. Then I tried with another completely different person and another, and another.. each time the focus span decreasing… !! And the more my focus decreased, the more their clinginess increased in a weird observation. So is the rule of MIND OVER MATTER not universal ??

I have had a paradigm shift the last couple of months as I have mentioned earlier on. There is no such thing as TRUE love !! People make adjustments and suit their needs as and when they say they have found their true love. In the last 6 months I have had a couple of men ask me out on dates. Each one is a different individual mentally emotionally and physically. They professed they would love me forever and keep me like a princess. But it all changed the minute I said can we not jump into this, or this is too quick. Let’s give this time. True love was supposed to know everything about me, or at least willing to know what I really like or feel. I should have been their focus. Some of those very people aren’t even a part of life – exited – jumped off the boat. People have shifted their focus from TRUE love to we shall love after we jump into it.

Am I still in fairytale land ?? Is there something like jump into it and everything will follow ?? Should I re-focus on finding true love ? or will someone focus everything on me and find me to be HIS FOREVER ??

The word is EX !

A dear friend of mine probed me into writing a blog on the word EX. What is it in this one demi-word EX, that the whole world is frightened by it ?? Oh Common now, it’s not even a word by itself, and yet it is so powerful that it moves the world. Take for example, when I mentioned the word EX… my friend Aakash , instantaneously mentioned Ex- Boy friend eh ! So you will be talking about them. I mean, I have heard a whole lot of people talk about their EX’s. I have even given a piece of my mind to my friend Arjun for talking too much about his ex-girl friend.

It is quite unlike me to stick my head in the past, and remember the EX. So much so, that there are times as though I feel I never dated in the first place. I don’t know if it is a good thing. But I do not carry my baggage around. Maybe that’s why time and again Pankti and Ami have to nudge me and tell me I always fall for the same guys !! THE WRONG ONES.

But the heart doesn’t learn from past mistakes. Maybe my type is the WRONG TYPE. But that doesn’t mean I hold the reins to my heart in my head and not let it wander. I fear living in the day when I let my mind command my heart by instilling fear of the EX.

Anyway, the point of this whole blog is to emphasize EX. Why can’t people think of EX-FACTOR. Today I stand out amongst most girls for being different. Different in many ways – I am fat for instance. It gives me the EX-FACTOR amongst thin girls. I am articulate, this gives me the ex-factor amongst girls who mumble. I am confident about what I am doing and yet yearn to learn something new each passing day, the gives me Ex-factor amongst people who are complacent and not so confident. My concern today is WHAT IF I DON’T HAVE AN EX-FACTOR tomorrow.

In the first sense, no one wants to be an EX. But my fear is what if tomorrow I am not an EX… with an EX- FACTOR ! Will I survive ? Will I be able to live with myself. A byline on somebody’s MSN/ GMAIL was the 2nd winner is the first looser !! Will I be comfortable being 2nd ??

In this sense I also fear leaving this world… Becoming an EX… Not read enough, not listened to great people enough, not travelled enough, not worked enough, not made money enough, not met interesting people enough, not having tasted enough food and wine enough, not having partied enough, not having told people I am sorry for my past enough, not having told people I love them enough and above all, not made my life worth remembering enough.

AND THEN PEOPLE THINK OF ONLY BEING EX- IN GIRL FRIEND, BOY FRIEND SENSE… There are greater fears of the Ex’s than a mere relationship. But alas, the world skips a heart-beat at the word EX !!!

High powdered Business Meeting !!

Like a bucket full of water will find its space and fill a room till each square inch of room available is filled – likewise, yesterday I went for a round table conference with some highly successful people, whose sheer enthusiasm reached out to all those sitting in that room. For starters, I would have never really gone for the meet – it was a working day. And I have enjoyed enough holidays these past few days. But something said I’ll regret not going. And my instincts were right. I was literally right across the room from such eminent personalities from the industry like Kushagra Bajaj, Shishir Bajaj, M.V. Subbiah, Dilip Dandekar, Ramesh Chauhan and Farhad Forbes. Each one had their own style – the common factor being they have made it BIG.

Starting with M.V. Subbiah, a modest man who talked about the importance of Families in businesses. He shared quite a few valuable insights on this topic. But what struck me the most about this man that he was the most HUMBLE. He made references to the Bhagwat Gita. What is it about this one book – so powerful that so many people make references to it. The compared philosophies of different families in the business world – like the FIAT family, the MERC family, the New York Times family. All of whom have an illustrious history to them. And yet why is it that we hear only about Indian family businesses splitting ? Why don’t we have 2 brothers fight unresolved matters in the west.

It was funny because Kushagra Bajaj, very proudly talked about going on WAR – these were his exact words with his paternal uncle. And how he locked horns. His father accepted defeat, but he took him by his speed to do things he wouldn’t have done otherwise. Ramesh Bhauhan made references of his family feud. And how they resolved it.

These businessmen have discussed family – the subject matter being taboo. And they did not twitch and eye once before maligning FAMILY in public. His cool-ness was almost as though he was arrogant. And yet this is a success story worth noting. This stories have become history. What we have with us is the future. Which only looks bright for this young ENTHUSIASTIC person.

Ramesh Chauhan was vividly talking about marketing – even though he corrected himself several times for straying away from the topic. He was ANIMATED and PASSIONATE about the brand BISLERI that he has built. So much so, that when the guests were given KINLEY bottled drinking water, he refused to drink it and insisted someone run down and get him a BISLERI bottle. This is the power of believing in your BRAND and for me, he is the biggest BRAND AMBASSADOR of this brand.

FARHAD FORBES – of FORBES MARHSALL fame was an articulate man in his late 40’s, early 50’s. From the way he had IMMACULATELY designed a power point presentation, to the way he dressed , to the way he opened a simple bottle of water – all had expression SOPHISTICATION written all over it. He made some brilliant points like the family constitution for example. And how some rules should be written down to avoid conflict in later stages. Nothing is constant and that was his central theme. When someone asked him about his daughter joining the business – he said he doesn’t have a crystal ball saying what he would do 10 yrs hence, but he was positive about his GIRL CHILD working. Theirs is a family of workers, from his grand mother , to his mother and wife.

The 3 hours that I spent listening to these brilliant speakers have left me thinking about what I want ot be in the future. HUMBLE, ARTICULATE, EMACULATE, SOPHISTICATED, ANIMATED, PASSIONATE and an AMBASSADOR OF MY GOODS AND SERVICES !!