Until yesterday, I picked my phone up, dialed a few handy numbers on my speed dial to give latest updates about my life and a bunch of other people's lives who I just happened to have bumped into at a club/bar/swimming pool/beach or hiding behind the last rack in the departmental store. GOSSIPPING ! But today the internet has a whole new direction. From the comfort of my bed, I can surf and find out which friend is doing what in any corner of the world. Such is the power of one tool called FACEBOOK ! I am stuck in my bed, im Down with a 3rd round of Chicken Pox. It gives me enough time on hand to check every friends wall, pictures, comments on other's walls, their blogs, their friends to infinity.
I am now 1/2 and hour into Facebook and already bored !The obsessiveness of some people is beyond my understanding. A few 1000 pictures, in every good looking location around the city, some even next to the Dosa Wala of Mithibai College. A few 1000 friends, whom they just happened to have met once or twice for a brief moment in time. Guys have found an easior way, give drinks to girls which are actually free but technically making us girls happy. Girls are now going virtual shopping, earning some points and buying Jimmy Choo or Blahniks (pictures)obviously. What I find even more amusing is the fact that people actually discuss these things over coffee/ bar. So now, even before a guy asks me for my phone number, he asks, Are you on Facebook ?? When did all the romance be diminished to this web-check ups.
Being down with chicken pox gave me enough time to open up a 134 mails that I hadn't bothered to group check and delete from my inbox.
Mail 1 : Entertainment company proudly brings Hard Kaur to Mumbai.
-Don't they have enough of her swearing already ?
Mail 2 : Do you want to Franship ?
-Who told him I would want to Do Franship. And even if i wanted to, what gives him the idea it would be Franship with him ?
Mail 3 : Bonjour Disha.... !
- My my host siblings in Belgium, the weather of cold, I miss you .... I miss them too. It was a year that makes me, ME !
Mail 4 : Beautiful Smaile !
- This one if from Chandigarh, this gentleman's biceps look like those hand floats little children wear when they first dip themselves in the Pool.
Mail 5 : I am 35 year old Male, Living in Middle East. Looking for friends.
- Why dont you go find yourself a 35 year old friend then !! Agreed I look older than most girls my age, but I surely dont look 35. Mails like these make me wonder how guys would be looking at me ? I speed dial my best friend."Do I look 35 to you ?"
Mail 6 : Hey gorgeous, this is my 14th mail. I wonder if you are ever going to reply to me?
- 14th ? Are you kidding. I checked my inbox for No 13, No 12, No 11. He was right ! This was indeed the 14th One.
I block checked every one of those useless mails from the 134 mails in my Inbox to find myself a list of 47 odd mails from cousins, friends, ex-boyfriends and wanting to be be boy-friend - Mr Spicy as I want to call him for the sake of this blog. Priority family first. Half way into the letter from my cousin in the US, I found myself thinking what would Mail 1, 2, 3 .... etc have to say to me ? Sorry cousin Rupali, I will get back to your mail. For as much as I want to hear how you spent your Valentine's Day of 2009, I want to hear What Spicy has to say.
I quickly opened Mail 1.
"am very certain of the fact that I would miss you if I knew u better...ur ...beautiful..gorgeous with a wit to match(i hope) if not outshine ur look. There's an old term that fits..and I hope u dont find it offensive..its meant as a compliment..."U'd be the best mind-fuc"!
I was furious. Just by stating It's meant as a compliment doesnt mean he can say whatever he wants and I'd be okay with it. I Dont care What Mail 2,3,4 etc have to say to me... I wanted to reply back quickly. And ofcourse it had to be something Witty. Anything less witty would just be a big slap on my ego.
So here is what I wrote : "by saying that i hope you dont find it offensive , doesnt make the statement any less offensive ! but I dont want to read between the lines ... thanks for the compliment !"
It was hardly anything witty, but in my rage I couldnt come up with anything witty. I sent it. World will stop rotating and revolving the day I find someone half as nice as my dream man - which will be NEVER. I refresh the page to get back to cousin Rupali's email when I see I have a mail from Spicy ! So offically he is a looser. Because he spends his time on Facebook !
Spicy : "Ah well its not supposed to be offensive and ur welocme ......so how u doing wat u up2?"
Spicy surely caught me on the right day, I had all the free time in the world to Gossip to this complete virtual Spicy stranger. I could have bored him to the end of time with I have chicken pox so dont mess with me... But who wants to hear the sad story behind the so called beautiful face Mr spicy has been writing to.
Me: " Nothing much. Just hanging by the moment. Summers setting in, it's groggy ! Feel like sleeping. What you upto?"
Spicy : "I'm waiting for the kind of love
That is strong enough
To walk through anything
So don't waste my time
So don't waste my time
I only wanna play for keeps
Wanna fall in deep
If you don't just say goodbye
Don't waste my time"
Spicy was poetic - a modern poet, who doesnt actually write things himself, just googles the right lyrics to fit into the right conversation. Not bad ! My Spicy finally added me as a friend. Till now, thanks to Facebook privacy measures didnt allow him to see my picture, friends notes etc and neither could I
A quick check into his profile revealed his actual profile. A real friend for old times sake was taking my case : ( Spicy went down the drain.
Spicy was this bespectacled genuis of my school. Aced all exams and participated in every other debate and science quiz competitions. Got home the trophy of the maths olympiad three times in a row, a record which still remains unbroken to this date. But Spicy was = sugary in school. How did Sugary turn Spicy !! What is wrong with the world. Perspectives change ! People change ! But sugary is a matter of character - how can that change.
Sugar and spice added me to msn then ! A bried what are you doing ? How is life revealed the following information.
Junior College = Mithibai
Degree College = Some Chef top school in Switzerland
Work stats = Hospitality manager for a chain of hotels in switzerland
Facial features is now = HOT n SPICY
Character still remains sugary towards me
Well, he had to go then. He was starting his shift ! But Mr sugar and spice did make me forget any grudge I held against Facebook ! It helped me find my old friend back !!!! But he promised to catch up tomorrow same time. Well, I was going to be in my bed, so now i was looking forward to a sugary and spicy afternoon chat date with my long lost school friend !!!!
Mansij Vaidya is in Switzerland :SReplyDelete
And Sherlock holmes a.k.a. Tirath - you actually think I am talking about Mansij Vaidya... !! hahahhaa.ReplyDelete
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