Love, Sex Aur Dhoka !

When I was growing up, I was extremely protected by my parents. Of course their way was not by keeping me away from things, but letting me know beforehand as to there is a big bad world out there that you have to be careful of. So things never came as a blow, right in the face. But theory being theory, when the real world hit – it is hurting. The last couple of days I have heard stories of friends and friends of friends on topics ranging from Break-up, Sex scandals, Infidelity, cheating, lying, hatred and everything that has had a very devastating effect on me. So much so that I have almost stopped believing in the sanctity of LOVE. It comes strangely so, as I have been under the influence of extreme Love for the past 4 months – but I wish to end it. Not because it has anything to do with between people, but I get scared of how things will end. I am determined all good things come to an end.

This is the real world. This is happening to real people. I for one want to salute Ekta Kapoor for she forsee’s the future. She was ahead of her time. Wife beaters, Cheating husbands, emotional tormentation, women sacrificing – she showed it all. When at a friend’s house, we happened to touch this very topic, each one had their story to tell of a friend or a friend’s friend. Don’t we all ? This is how our generation is living – in constant fear of a cheating partner. This is what is has all been reduced to.

Look at that show Emotional Atyachar on UTV Bindaas – what does that really tell us. Most of us live today with a feeling that honesty prevails and true love will win in the end. I see those chicken faces coming out of the studio. But truth better be known, than always remain in the unknown. The discovery of infidelity is a truly painful experience, but I genuinely believe that it is better to endure a short term pain, than to discover an infidelity down the line, when a relationship may have moved to a much more serious level. For those stuck in a serious relationship and who are bound by societal pressures and their loving children – I can only sympathise with you. I am a firm believer in GOD, and i believe everyone has their golden days – and yours will come as well.

If my parents told me there is a big bad world out there – they also told me that there is also a GOD who protects everyone who not only seeks it but deserves it as well. My prayers with everyone who seeks divine blessings !
BEWARE OF EMOTIONS, EXPECTATIONS and EGO ! ELEVATE over them to EXPERIENCE EMANTICIPATION !!!

Lalu Chalisa... The case of the Hairstyle.

When I first got the mundan done, and everyone was all praises for me, What Bravado !! I only kept saying it’s all for GOD. GOD is kind. And he has been giving me everything I ever wanted. I kept saying nothing Brave about it !! But yesterday was the first time I felt, YES, one needs to be BRAVE to be able to do this. I walked into EscoBar last night in my perfectly confident style. I walked passed the Bar. Stepped onto the Patio outside, located a table and sat myself down. I was thoroughly enjoying my Cinnamon Ice tea when I heard a GAY man and 2 incredibly ridiculously slutty looking women talking about my hairstyle ( and no I am not saying gay and slutty because of what I am about to say – I had made my opinion at first glance). And for as hard as one tries, they cannot help but overhear certain pieces of conversation – and the subject of their discussion is IF I LOOK LIKE LALU PRASAD YADAV or not !!

A little something I’d like to tell you about going bald and then waiting for your hair to grow back. You never imagined that your hair would go through stages. At least I didn’t ! I was expecting my bald hair to turn into Sushmita style volume overnight ! It doesn’t happen so always !!

Fact 1 : Every person who sees you, will want to tell you who you look like !

Fact 2 : Does your bald head feel itchy ? is the next question.

Fact 3 : They will suggest some HAIR OIL they swear by !

Fact 4 : The Oil in my head will always tickle their fickle brain – and will ask me – Is that sweat ?

Fact 5 : Every time you wake up you wish it has grown by a few cms at least !

Fact 6 : There will be at least 1 day where you will wake up not remembering you got a mundan done and you will scare yourself

Fact 7 : (this applies to only women) you will wonder how you are going to deal with your long hair – because you are getting used to jumping in and out of shower in 5 mins flat

Fact 8 : When the summer breeze doesn’t ruffle your hair and make it oily, and you see girls tying a nasty looking BUN in their head with pencils, chopsticks and other pointy objects you feel you are lucky there is NO FUSS

Fact 9 : You miss getting dressed when you see your previously over worked HAIR IRON lying lonely there on your dresser, waiting for it to be plugged in and transform you !

Fact 10 : You hate that 4 weeks into your mundan, you get poky straight hair and any amount of pushing it back and combing it sideways doesn’t make them settle down and someone at a really Hip Bar calls you LALU PRASAD YADAV ki daughter… !!!

p.s. Thank god they did say I look like his SON.. !!

When will MEN become WOMEN ?

In my mind right now it’s a woman’s world. In this fairyland called my mind there is a handsome almost Greek god look alike with olive skin sleeping next to me. Those strong arms flexed and relaxed wide shoulders. Every part of him can be defined in acute and obtuse angle language with symmetry to every degree. A gruff voice spotless bald shinny head, voluptuous earlobes and a stubble just a few days old. Draped around him is a SHORT and FAT girl like me. And even better, he looks so in love with me !!! He dresses up for me. He takes hours on end to immaculately put on some cologne to seduce me right into his arms and keeps the stubble soft and not spiky.

In this world the order of the day is that Men are getting waxing done instead of shaving. They are complaining about sunstroke and tan. They are talking about which kind of heels hurt more. They are discussing how to lose weight before their wedding to fit into the perfect outfit to look like a man-doll. They are talking about man versions of period, child birth, and menopause. What a pain in the ass cooking and cleaning the house is ! What the wife likes, the mother in law hates, the brother in law does is all on his mind. What exercises will reduce those Indian child bearing hips and those thunder thighs. Tummy tucks and lady luck ! And then – the best of them all, saved for the last- Men are shopping ! Even better – the Men in my world are WEDDING SHOPPING !

WAKE UP WOMEN AROUND THE WORLD !!

If this is how exactly we want to live why is it that it is always the other way round ? Why is there always an ugly man with a beautiful wife ! It’s not the fault of the men ! It’s the fault of women. From the time we are little our mothers will stick a book in our hand every time we cried. Those fairy tales like Beauty and the Beast are the heart of all the troubles – Why wasn’t there a book called Greek God and a normal city girl. Or Why does Cinderella have to dress up in a gown and run to make it home for a deadline in those painfully high heels and prince charming pursue her – why isn’t it the other way round ? Why doesn’t a normal guy sweep the floor and cry cause he cannot go see Cinderella being vowed by other suitors at the ball and prince charming have to run in high heels in time to make it home !!! And moreover Why weren’t guys made to read those books ? Shocking but true story - the fact remains that the author for these books were all MEN.

From times immemorial girls are made the wait on, linger to find the perfect boy while men chose their pick ! And then there are the other motherhood statements like What is it with girls and shopping ? Why are these 2 words so synonymous to each other ? Why is it that they love each other ? I was recently subjected to an extreme “wedding shopping spree” for a dear friend of mine and I couldn’t help but wonder why are there twice as many a shop for women than they are for men ware? Why are there only men in a women’s ware shop who give approval or disapproval for your choice of colour and cut? MEN and the world they want to live in define the rules applicable for the women who live in this world which in turn defines their love for shopping.

Ask yourself this- Have you ever seen a man take hours to dress up for his girl friend/ wife ? How often do you see a man crib about her clothes than the other way round ? I urge women around me to finally stop dressing up for a day and see how guys fit into our shoes. And then they say women love shopping. The reason discovered is that men, oh the needy men, require girlfriends and wivies to be dressed to kill while they can look like ugly ducklings. Those handful of men who do dress up are called Metrosexual etc. Can you image a guy pulling his hair over what colour will suit him the best ? Or what colour does she like on me? What style of skirt should it be, wheather a fish cut or an A line ? What embroidery will fit the puzzle right ? What jewellery will match these outfits ? Shoes, and then its own dilemma comfort v/s how good they will look ? What kind of hair ? Pulled back, Curled, ironed, bun, French roll... !!! CAN YOU IMAGINE !!!! We are so into the routine that it’s hard for us to even give this a moment and you just read on !!! We are made to believe we love shopping cause WE love shopping. The truth of the matter is, We love shopping cause THEY love us in shopped clothes.

I started out thinking this blog will be about how a girl goes through days shopping for her wedding outfit and trousseau. She walks through narrow lanes and even narrower by-lanes. Puts up with the tantrums of tailors and designers just so that she can get their best craft out of them for her wedding. She sweats it out on a summery day in Santacruz- the heart of wedding shopping district in Mumbai to find “THE” thing. Some even travel to other cities in their search. She goes through the pains of making every part of her body made to order to her guy and all this out of love. For him to look at her coming down the aisle, walking effortlessly in that heavy outfit just so that he could have one look at her and see how beautiful she looks on their wedding day. The heat makes trinkets of water droplets go down her spine and yet she is gleaming with pride that all those shopping days were well spent and this makes her cheeks flush different hues of red and pink and it makes every moment spent before this moment when she sees his eyes go wide and hear his heart skip a beat worthwhile. Her eyes twinkle looking at him dressed up for the first time for her, for their wedding, to make her happy. HE DRESSED UP for the first time to match HER and not just in some ruffled clothes straight out of a dryer. He did it cause HE loves HER !! and not the other way round !!

And yet I cannot help but wonder why guys make it such a big deal to have bachelor parties to mark an end to the era where fun was dirty !! Why can’t he celebrate the start of doing all dirty things officially. Women who until recently just sat back and heard tales of the night spent drinking with strippers are now beginning to have HEN-nights. I wonder why is there such a sudden need to compete. Men will be Men... when did Women become Men ! I am waiting for a time when Men will become Women to see a balance of our world.